Back to my marriage and away from my dark thoughts… Last night my husband came home. Kind of out of character because lately he has been coming home on his day off and not in the evening when he gets off. In some ways I see this as a positive. But today… I lost it. […]

This is what it would look like… Dear Family and Friends- I know my decision to end it all has come as a complete shock to you. But I battled this for months. My life began to fall apart and I just saw no hope. The one thing that made it difficult were my children. […]

Yesterday and today have been pure hell. The thoughts of suicide enter my head often. It becomes more frequent as time passes. I actually said it out loud yesterday not totally, but implied it to my kids. I just said I wasn’t happy and I didn’t understand my existence. And to that I don’t. I […]

No major updates in my situation. My 21 days of prayer ended today. I reactivated Facebook and was bored with it within 5 minutes of being back on it. I have been really struggling with the idea of going and seeing a divorce lawyer. I don’t want a divorce… I just don’t wan to live […]

My kids… I swear. They do not do the things they are suppose to do which I understand completely are teenage problems. I get it I do. But I am just at my breaking point. And that once again they lost something that I needed and I asked them not to touch. In the midst […]

I wish I understand this nonsense now called my life and how it has, at times, made me unrecognizable. Today my husband texted to ask what we were getting for our daughters birthday. I wanted an hour to answer him because I just didn’t want to talk. Part of why I do this also is […]

First of all my dear sweet husband- Fuck you for hurting me. Fuck you for hurting our children. Fuck you for finally texting me after 4 days to tell me my brother came to eat at your restaurant, you comp’d his meal, and to tell us he misses us and loves us. Fuck you for […]

This was my prayer today. I am not sure how much one person can truly handle. I haven’t spoken to H in like 3 days. The last time I did speak to him it was to tell him the AC in my car was out again. Yesterday at work I was summonsed. I was told […]

It is all over the place. My thoughts are all over the place. So bare with me if today’s entry is. First and foremost- when will this ever end? I remind myself MULTIPLE times a day that what he is doing can’t last forever. But a day literally feels like a year and I feel […]

Two totally unrelated topics I am writing about. I actually wasn’t going to write today at all. Today was a day of rest in terms of fitness, so I figured my blog could use a day too. Well… I have some stuff to say. Yesterday I drove 2.5 hours to my hometown to honor my […]