I am the face of depression. Are you?

The thing people do not realize is depression does not have a face. If you met me in real life, you would (now) never guess that every single day I battle the will to stay alive. Every single day I pray for the strength to make it to the next day. Every single day I […]

I thought I was doing ok…

but today I realize I am not. Triggered. H came home today… you know from his two days off with her. He shows up to an event for our D which, as you know, I am her coach. It is akward. No one knows what is going on but it clearly looks like something is […]

My Friend Suck Chapter 2: The Best Friend

Dear Best Friend: Once upon a time I considered you my rock. But last year, when I fell in such a heavy state of depression that I tried to end my life on two separate occasions (granted you didn’t know that part) you decided to use my distance AGAINST me as a reason not to […]


A month ago… we purchase 2 cars together. Now… he has moved his direct deposit to a private account and says he isn’t sure how much longer he is going to be here. In some ways, I think moving out could be a good thing. He will see how hard it really is because if […]

My how things have changed…

I’m sitting here at the water park and realize I haven’t updated in a while. That is because nothing new and one thing new all happened at the same time. Husbands job moved him back home. Something I begged him for for years. He didn’t really tell me, he was just home one day. Told […]