I’m sitting here at the water park and realize I haven’t updated in a while. That is because nothing new and one thing new all happened at the same time.

Husbands job moved him back home. Something I begged him for for years. He didn’t really tell me, he was just home one day. Told me he had training and to this day, he thinks I don’t know that his job changed. Dumb ass. Of course I know.

This change, that I prayed so long and hard for, in some ways has made things worse. How you ask? He talks to me even less than before. He won’t watch tv down stairs anymore. Stays holed up upstairs in the movie room, that’s when he is home anyways. Because you see, he still finds a reason to go back to our hometown, her. That bitch. And he thinks that I actually believe he goes to work. You really underestimate not only my level of intelligence but also my ability to find shit out.

I love him, but my patience to restore the marriage is fading. I realize he is either having trouble in paradise or will have it soon (my gut tells me it’s happening now, my gut is rarely wrong) but I’m better than the crap he’s put me through. Also, I’ve learned Texas will require him to pay spousal support for infidelity making me financially better without him.

Just this past week we purchased 2 cars. One was a lease for me and one was one for our daughter. Our daughter, who has confided in me that she is starting to dislike her dad. How sad is that? He doesn’t realize the damage he is doing to his kids and his possible relationship with them anymore.

I still have some bad days. But… I can’t say I really have suicidal thoughts anymore. My friends still suck. But I think I’m going to dedicate my next blog entry to the nonsense they’ve done recently. Mentally and emotionally I’m in a far better place. I do, however, still believe we will reconcile. I believe Gods plan is far bigger than mine or my thoughts. He’s been pretty consistent in what He has spoken to me in regards to my marriage. He’s also answered prayers I’ve begged him to answer.

I realize one day my husband will realize the err or his ways. I just hope for his sake I’m still around. Because I wouldn’t wish the hell he’s put on me on anyone else including him. I’ve had to buckle down and trust the Lord to not file, to not seek comfort elsewhere, and to remain faithful to the unfaithful. Sometimes doing the right thing is hard especially in this situation, but I have God as my guide and fully trust Him, His promises, His love, and Him providing me strength and peace.

XoXo (and back to regular posting)

Nikki

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